“Reflect, don’t dwell!”
I read this or heard this about a month ago and wrote it on a scrap of paper. These few words spoke to me. I kept the paper beside my bed and read it over and over. REFLECT, DON”T DWELL!!!!!! How many times do I let things and situations that happened to me - stay with me?
Well I say- it’s time to move on!
I looked up these words online and got the generic definitions from Google:
Reflect: To throw back~ without absorbing
To think deeply or carefully about
Dwell: To live in a place
To exist in
To keep the attention directed
To speak or write insistently
I am putting myself right in the middle of this - I am not accusing or thinking of anyone specifically. When I read “Reflect, don’t dwell,” I think of ME! I contemplate situations I may be holding onto in which I can now choose “to think about deeply, without absorbing” - it doesn’t need to be a focus anymore - is it helping me to hold on to all of this anyway??
Have you ever been hurt by someone’s words or actions and you can’t seem to get over it? It might have been last week or 15 years ago? Are you still “existing, living, insistently speaking” of this event all the time? What is this dwelling in the situation doing to you? Does it affect your relationships? Have you forgiven that person in any way? What if they didn’t even realize what they did to you? I'm sure that the teacher that put me down years ago and made me feel ridiculously stupid, did not even realize she did it. Or my co-workers and friends who sarcastically described my job as meaningless and silly did not mean to burn a feeling into me that I would continue to carry and scar me for years. I have been dwelling in these memories.
On the other hand, what about the positive and great events that happened to you? Maybe you were Homecoming Queen or won an award for being very academic or an all -star athlete? These are wonderful things and fantastic accomplishments… they really are! But are you dwelling on them? Are you living in the past? When you are 40+ years old, is it really that important that everyone knows you were “THAT person when you were 17?” Haven’t you changed? Matured? Seriously, most of us are not “the athlete” or the person we were back in they day. Our lives now are different from what they once were. Look back and reflect on the fabulous times, but it is also time to make more great memories - not hold on so tight to what was. Let’s start looking forward!
Now, I am not saying to forget these things. Some of them were things you should be amazingly proud of while other memories are hurtful and life changing. However, from now on, let’s not continue to bring them up all the time and make them the center of our conversations around people. Instead, if the memories are not so positive, REFLECT on the lessons we can learn. It may be time to release the hurt and show people the love and forgiveness you can bring forth from something that wasn’t so great in your life. Looking back, I can reflect on my MANY positive educational and non educational mentors who built me up rather than dwelling on the few that hurt my heart and tore me down. Also, yes it is so important to spend time REFLECTING on the joys of the accolades and great times we once had, but, it could be time to move on and give ourselves some new space to create more joyous memories that are happening in our lives NOW! Don’t get stuck. Reflect, don’t dwell.
Looking back, all the positives AND the negatives have created the life and person that you and I are now! We can’t change it. My personal resolve from all this is simple - Reflection is growth. Dwelling on something is stagnant. We all know that being still will kill us (proven fact). So, are you with me? Let’s get going and move on!
Keli’s Korner Challenge: Are there situations or things in your life on which you focus and you dwell? Do they affect relationships or your way of thinking? Is it time to reflect rather than dwell? Do you need to move on? Let’s all try this week to work on at least one thing. It’s time for reflection. One thing at a time! Let's goooooooo!