“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you‘ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.
~ Christine Caine
Have you ever looked at someone else’s life and thought, “ It would be nice to have a perfect life?” Or have you seen something on TV that made you think “No one in real life has a life that glorious!” Sometimes characters on TV portray the perfect life! We don’t see all their conflicts, hardships and sadness. Often shows don’t show all the true emotions of a death, a loss of a job or a family struggle. LIFE!
Social media has become an outlet for people to glorify things. It is another way for the world we live in to shame us into feeling like we aren’t the best. Everyone else seems to have it so much better. But do they? This has seemed to develop some unhappiness for people. I once had a student tell me in front of the entire class, “Mrs. C you don’t know what it’s like to have problems! You are not a person that has had horrible things happen to you! You have a great life, family and I am pretty sure you like your job - you are always happy!” Boom! I thought here comes a teachable moment - forget the lesson plans- AGAIN!
At this point I pulled up a desk, turned it around and sat down on the back of it in front of the class. “First off, I am glad that I am a happy person and that is what you see, but I am not always happy. Something I learned at a young age is that you can look at things from different points of view. Basically, one can HAVE to do things or GET to do things. Someone can gripe and complain about a negative situation or take that negative situation and learn and grow from it. It’s up to you!”
I proceeded to tell them about my friend Shae (name has been changed) who was killed riding in a car with a guy who had been drinking. The guy misjudged a turn and wrecked his car. Shae didn’t make it. I was devastated. We were 16 and I had been friends with her since we were in kindergarten. She was the first person that I personally knew that had died. I went on to tell them that on my 1st Christmas break from college, EVERY Monday I received news of people I knew that had died. Two were from high school and one was a work colleague I had become good friends with. I refused to stay the last week of the break at home because I was afraid of getting another phone call with more devastating news. I was broken!
My mom sat me down and told me this, “It is horrible that your friends have died, but you will be ok! You WILL get through it. Keli, you are the person you are because these people were in your lives. Just think if Shae wasn’t in your life and all the memories you WOULDN'T have had. Same with these other three friends. You would be a different person! Appreciate the time you had with them and how you are better because of them!” From that point on, that talk with my mom and my faith have gotten me through many deaths (and goodness, I have had several now)!
I told my students about another dark place I had been ….ALGEBRA II! I was in a deep hole! Many of them related to this or with some other school subject. You see, I have an amazing sister and she is just that - AMAZING! When we were younger I longed to be as smart as she was! I thought she could just put a book up to her head and she would know the information in it! I’m serious! While she was making 104 grades, I was making my A’s (90s, 92s, 89.5s) because that is what I was expected to do - make those As! It was all fine until ALGEBRA II!!! The biggest question I had was “Why would God have made a number system AND an alphabet if they were supposed to be together.? It doesn’t make sense!” I did not get it and I struggled through and barely did well enough to play sports (you had to pass to play)! I might have gotten a C, but I had no clue what I was doing and it messed with my head! I felt like a failure. My teacher asked why I would ask a question about something she just went over and I would sink lower in my seat! It was horrible! I had never struggled like that before! I felt like a failure.
Looking back on that year in Algebra II now, I can see how I grew, how I became stronger. I had to learn to ask for help. I had to experience humility and many other things. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t at all a pleasant time in my life. For a while, I wasn’t pleasant to be around, but I changed how I looked at it and did it! I became a stronger person. I knew that I wasn’t the best at everything and I needed other people to help me. I realized that everyone had different strengths and mine WOULD NOT be tutoring in Algebra - ha! However, someone’s strength was just that and I am glad that I found them that year!
You see, just when you think you are in the darkest place, if you have the right mindset you can realize how you can get out of it and how you can grow! A seed is planted in the dark soil before it becomes a beautiful plant or flower! It needs water and the proper nutrients to help it grow. During your lifetime you will be faced with all sorts of situations that are unique to you! Some will be great...others won't. For me, learning how to look at sad, horrible and hard things that happen and having a better perspective has been the nutrients, fertilizer and water that help the seed grow from the dark. Because I have trained myself to not focus and complain about the negative, I have grown as a person and can get through some messy and crazy things. You may not like the surroundings in which your life is growing now, but with the right state of mind (nutrients and fertilizer) you can be the most amazing flower in the garden!
How about you? Have you been in a dark place? What was it? How did you get out of it and how are you a better person now? Did someone help you? If you are in a dark place now, how can you grow? What are your nutrients, fertilizer and water? You’ve got this! How can you learn and grow from it? Just look for it!