Throughout my 30 years of being a teacher, I had many guest speakers come and talk to my high school students. Most of them came in and taught lessons about life or did activities that ended with a launch or life lesson for my kids to take in and really soak up. One of my very favorite speakers was my dad!
Ray Pace was a great dad! He was constantly teaching me life lessons growing up (that is another story). One of the many times he came to speak, he told me, “ No matter what I say - DO NOT REACT like you are surprised!” He wouldn’t let my mom come this time, so I was intrigued! I was all in - that was until he started speaking to my class.
He starts by introducing himself as my dad. He says something about how I am the product of him and his 3rd wife (Really? My parents were married for 58 years and got married when they were 19 and 20). “DON’T REACT,” I tell myself wondering where this was going with this! He continues to tell my kids that his profession was a Professional Gambler! Well now…… I knew my father loved to play “cards with the guys” and would hit a casino every now and then… but a professional gambler??!!!! My theater skills from high school kicked in and I acted like nothing was wrong - I just sat there and gently shook my head up and down in agreement.
Now, if you know me and my teaching style, I was a teacher that told the kids the truth. They knew about my own kids, my husband, family and some of my life stories. (I honestly believe that if your school kiddos know a little about you as a person, they will open up to you a little bit more. It worked for me!) Anyways, because of my theory of letting my school kids into my life a little, I had a couple of them looking over at me to see how I was reacting. “There is NO WAY this is the dad you have told us about,” I read in their faces. I kept my composure! SHOW NO EMOTION - DO NOT SMILE - I REPEAT DO NOT SMILE!
After listening a while longer to the outrageous tales of the man in the front of the room claiming to be my dad, I had a kid yell out, “Mrs. Cullen!!!! THIS CANNOT BE YOUR DAD!” I lost it! My dad looked at me and winked and smiled! The charade was over! I asked the kid why he thought that? He explained that things I had told them in the two years that I was their teacher did not add up. Other kids started to nod their heads in agreement. However, one guy (there is always one) was very disappointed that the stories of this man in the front of my room were not true - “ What a cool life you were living!” he said - SMH!
My dad asked the kids to tell him what they thought was true and what was false. It was hilarious! I proceeded to tell them that my mother and father had gotten married and STAYED married for 50+ years (at the time). Also, my dad loved cards and played some poker now and again, but certainly did not make a living off of it. And so forth…..My dad then asked them to raise their hands if they had ever told a lie about their identity or who they were. Then he asked them why they thought they did that? There were some interesting answers for sure.
Now, I played pretend growing up and changed my identity a bunch. Even once as an adult on vacation, our family and another family made up names and used them throughout our trip. It was funny when our fake last name “The Smitherees” was called out to be seated at a restaurant and no one moved at first. We had forgotten and the hostess called it out probably 4 times before we realized it was us.
Anyway, my father said “When you head off to college next year or to a new job or move or whatever you do- you could totally reinvent yourself and change who you are. No one would ever know! People do it everyday!” Hmmmmm, I thought. Where was he going with this? “But how hard is it to keep a lie up? Somewhere, someone would find out that you are not who you really are. You eventually WILL get busted!” Dad proceeded to tell the kids, “No one has a perfect life! Sure, you can fake it and only show people the good stuff, but it’s more than the good stuff that makes up who you are!” He continued, “You are who you are because of the life you were given, the people in your life and the circumstances that you have dealt with - good or bad! Embrace it! NO ONE is exactly like you! Don’t change who you are because your life doesn’t seem to go the way you are expecting - LEARN from your people - LEARN from your experiences - Don’t ever change who you were put on this earth to be!”
I sat there smiling - Yep, there he was! That was the dad I grew up with - the dad that made lessons out of everything - good or bad! I was so proud to be his kid at that moment!
Looking back, even though he is not around to read this, I hope he knew what an impact he made on people - not just me! He made people stop and think. I was so proud to be his daughter that day. He wasn’t perfect - he admitted that. He learned from his experiences and was the man he was because of them. He taught others to do the same. I now realize the amazing influence he had on so many lives, and I am even prouder today to say that he was my dad!
So,here is my question to you….. Have you ever lied to change who you are or your circumstances? Why? What did you want to be different? What in your life have you ever wanted to change? Look at your life. What can you do or understand better than someone else because of who you really are and what you have experienced?
Embrace who you are! My mom always said, “If we were all made alike it would be a dull world!” Don’t be like anyone else! BE YOU!