“Tag! You are it!”
Did you play tag when you were a kid? TV Tag was fun - you would get chased around and just when the kid who was “it” tagged you, you would yell “Happy Days!” or “The Flinstones!” and they ran away and you were safe! I loved it! However, Freeze Tag was different…. if you were tagged you had to wait until another kiddo came to save you and unfreeze you. Sometimes it seemed like I was frozen for years (it might have been 30 seconds).I see life like a game of tag…. You run and run in circles, people chasing you until it is your turn to be in charge - then you are IT! You are chasing others and tagging them- until it's not your turn - but you feel like you are still running. It is hard to stop running. But what happens then- when it all stops and you ARE frozen? Then what? Who is going to unfreeze you? Who will save you? What do you do? What is next?
Retirement is something people always celebrate and look forward to. You work and work, run and run and finally get to a point where you don’t have to work anymore and then BOOM- just like that- 30 years (or more) of doing something is over and you are done. You are tagged and are frozen! Many people make plans to travel or have second careers. They might reinvent themselves. But I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t even plan on retiring really. I just could - and I decided to - and I did. I kinda tagged myself. So, what was next?
For me, I looked forward to spending time with our soon to be 1st grandchild, going on road trips with my husband to watch our college son play baseball (not worrying about getting it approved at work), and spending time with our parents and families! Nothing would be better!
The thing is, I did all of these things and they have been perfect and magical! I feel blessed to have been able to be with my mom as she recovered from her heart attack and so very blessed that God gave me the time to spend with my dad in his last days/months before he passed away. I loved that I could stay home and help with our granddaughter during her 1st year as our daughter went back to work and now to get to play with two grand babies! These are the wonderful reasons I retired! But still I’ve felt frozen! I haven’t understood why?
During these couple of years I have written a blog and created a professional development training program for educators to enhance positive relationships in classrooms. I have presented to many schools and groups. In reality, I haven’t really stopped - it has just been on my own timeframe. I have still tried to be in charge upfront trying to lead it all and stay pretty busy.
But then all at once I just stopped. I stopped writing - stopped speaking to groups - stopped wanting to find ways to be in the middle of it all. I was frozen. I needed to be still for a while. So, ironically I found out that in the calmness and stillness of life there is much to hear - not only hear, but so much to listen to!
I have a friend who is a principal who asked me to be a sub at her school. I actually laughed. Really? But then I figured, what the heck - teenagers make me laugh, so why not? I can’t believe how much I love it! I can help those kids and those “young” educators and I am not running around, running the show or having to be “it”. I am smiling. I am laughing. I am watching them thrive and grow.
Even more importantly, I am sitting back watching our kids grow into pretty amazing young adults and parents. They impress me daily! I am learning to sit back and wait for them to ask for my advice, rather than me jumping in and telling them how to do things - it’s very hard, but I’d like to think I’m getting better. I’m a work in progress too!
What I’m realizing is that while I was so busy with what I THOUGHT was so important, I was missing out on so much! I was hearing - but not listening. I was giving advice but not listening to the questions first. That’s what a lot of people in charge do, I think. They are fabulous at being organizers and leading or instructing, but forget to remember why they do what they do. They jump right in because that's just what they do……and they are great at it! Sometimes it's hard to stop running if you’ve always run marathons.
I was asked by a student one time,”How do you want to be remembered?” I had to think about it for a minute, but I remember what I said, "I want to be the wise ole’ grandma on the front porch swing who listens to others and is known for her quotes and life lessons about kindness, encouragement, positivity and finding JOY in it all! And most of all for making sure people know Jesus loves them!!” I guess it's time to slow down and start working on my book of quotes.
In retrospect, being frozen (in my game of freeze tag) has given me a new perspective on this next chapter in life. I don’t have to be in charge of everything anymore and I really think I like that idea! I am going to just sit back and ask others, “How can I help you?” (if they even want any help) and cheer on their successes! It’s their turn to run and play tag and I hope they have as much fun as I have had. If anyone needs me, I think I’ll just be on the porch playing checkers!